⏳Eulogy For The Living⏳

Hard to believe he passed more than a year ago.

I wrote this for my stepdad, Bob Sherman, and delivered it at his celebration of life service. I hope it inspires you - if you’re reading it, you’re still alive: you still have time.

Use it! Get it to whoever needs this message. It’s time to make your mark.

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At some point in the last week of Bob’s life, we asked him what he wanted - if he wanted a funeral, a memorial service, and he answered in classic Bob fashion with 3 Magic Words: “I Don’t Care!”

He DID care about a lot of details - about being cremated with a cheese danish in his wedding clothes, about having his ashes spread in the Holy City of Varanasi in a very specific place. But he told me quite literally that he didn’t care if we did a memorial service like this or not. He said “I won’t be there - what do I care what you do?”

It actually really surprised me.

So according to Bob, he’s not here - and this gathering is not for him. But we all showed up anyway.

According to Bob, these flowers are not for him. But we put them here anyway.

According to Bob, these nice outfits and outward displays of reverence and respect are not for him. But we’re doing it anyway.

Now you could argue with me and say no, that’s wrong, he’s here and we can feel him, and he’s listening, and this IS for him.

I guess that means you’re arguing with Bob at his own funeral! He’d probably think that was pretty funny.

Ok so what if Bob was RIGHT? If he was right, who is this for?

Why are we doing this? Why are we here today, really?

I think the answer is that this is for us. This is for you. This is for me. Here’s why.

Bob was practically obsessed with the idea of permission. For good reason, he thought that people deserved the respect and freedom to be allowed to direct their own lives. In my experience of him, he never wanted to impose on anyone or control anyone. He wanted to give and receive peace, kindness, compassion, and understanding.

He overcame incredible odds to not only become a functional, compassionate, spiritual man, a father, grandfather, and a therapist - he found a divine mission on this Earth.

He changed people’s lives permanently for the better, with the work that he did. He was a master of perspective. His photography captured souls, and his practice as a therapist healed hearts.

He had the skeleton key to the inner worlds of a lot of people.

They gave him permission to come in and rearrange the furniture - an interior decorator of souls. And he was really good at it too.

Permission really mattered to him. So when he said “I Don’t Care!” I took it as a form of permission to make this day about how I feel.

But I don’t want to focus on how I feel about the past. I want to focus about how I feel about the present and the future.

Bob inspired me at times, pissed me off at times, let me down, lifted me back up, helped me out and left a mark on my life. He wasn’t always available. But when he was, he was fully present. And he had an agenda.

He wanted to help me become the best version of myself. Even if I didn’t see it yet - but only with my permission.

We had a nickname for Bob with Trey and Sebastian - we called him “Grumpy”. He came off a bit gruff, maybe it’s because he’s from New Jersey and us Southern folk didn’t get the cultural difference. Also sometimes he was just kind of grumpy. Usually because he cared, a lot. When Dunkin Donuts first opened up in Nashville, the Grumpy factor decreased by about 11%.

Bob asked great questions too. And he helped me ask great questions. And he helped me teach Trey and Sebastian to ask great questions.

Right now I’m asking myself a few big ones that I’d like to share for my kids and for everyone. It’s really simple stuff.

In the time that I have left, how will I help those around me become better versions of themselves?

In the time that I have left, what will I do to elevate and lift up my family and my community?

In the time that I have left, who will I start showing up for?

In the time that I have left, who will I finally allow myself to become?

In the time that I have left, what actually matters?

Bob might not be here in the literal sense of the word, but I think he is here in a different way.

A wise man named Albert Pike once said “What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

To me this means that Bob actually is here.

And this moment can be a type of initiation. Right now. A new beginning.

Because if you really love Bob, you’ll want to receive his gifts as he intended to give them - and Bob was a healer. So we all have an opportunity to receive healing. Right now.

Bob is here in all of our hearts. His words and actions are rippling through us all, out into the world. Right now.

Together, we are the mark that he leaves on the world. Right in this room. This moment is a gift.

And for this gift, I have my own Three Magic Words to say:

“Thank You Bob”